two months in!

unlike my post below, i've adapted and my old habits are catching up to me.  i spent no time studying today. i just watched drama.  terrible, i know.  well, i'll make tomorrow worth it by waking up early and working all day. HOPEFULLY.

i used to think being in love with love is ridiculous.  well, i've pinpointed why i always tend to fall in love with dramas, their characters and corresponding story line.  it's because i've fallen in love with the idea of love as portrayed in the drama.  i know it's entirely unrealistic and won't aid me in my endeavors in any way.  but i can't help but find happiness in watching the warm affection that crosses all limits and boundaries to find happiness.

in particular, i was perplexed by this bit of story line.  girl is in love with a guy who loves her just as much but circumstances separate them (due to no fault of their own).  another guy stays by the girl's side through many years to help her and support her along the way.  he waits and hopes that one day, she would "understand" and accept. 

in many ways, he's just as much of a good man as the girl's love.  he might actually be more considerate than the other guy.  but she doesn't love him.  no matter what he does, she feels no love besides the love of a dear friend for him.  initially, i thought, "oh, i guess nice guys do lose at the end."  the girl's love wasn't exactly a perfect citizen. you could characterize him as a bad boy turned good through her love and understanding.  but back to the "nice guy."  he lost no matter what he did or how he tried.  did he lose because he was a good guy?

no.  because another girl loved him the entire time too.  she faithfully stayed by his side as well.  she might have been the "good girl" who lost.  however, i think that it's true what they say. you can't control love.  no matter how hard you try, love is something dictated not by reason and analysis.  rather, pure passion and emotion controls the path it takes. 

again, this is not always the case, however.  i would like to believe that love can be born after years of devotion and patience.  i have yet to see this happen.  however, its existence would show that effort and devotion matter.  i'd like to believe that these elements make the world a better place.

the big step

now that i've made that big step, i realize how big a commitment post-undergrad work is. i'm exhausted.  mentally and even physically because i've never had to sit still for so long. my days have been filled with class, reading and eating intermittently.  i don't really enjoy eating as much anymore.  all the anxiety and stress has gotten to my appetite.  the next few years seem like a really long time.  now i realize that i'm a romantic.  i had once believed it was okay just to immerse yourself in work.  that's not the case for me.  the dramas really are an escape.  they help me relax but at the same time, make me envious.  i'm talking about the romantic comedies.  not so much all the heartache from the dramatic ones.  and i really miss my nephew!  i have so much work to do this weekend.  it doesn't look like i'll catch up much.  i need to go home and get fitted for an ao dai.  then there's the 2 weddings in october.  i need to find a way to balance my schedule.  i want a free day to do nothing school related as well.  but it looks like i will have to do some work each day.  again, i'm hoping this works itself out.  i was so tired today.  but it's a new type of exhaustion.  i hadn't realized it until i woke up from a 2 hour nap that i didn't know i had taken.  i'm also tired right now as well. i will probably go to bed. 

hoping for the best <3

my cute nephew always cheers me up

disappointed

can't we all just get along? or try to? or be more conscientious?  understanding? take the people around us into consideration?

living with people is difficult.  even with family.  i hate it when people are blind.  to the things mentioned above. as well as to their own biases.

fighting off a summer cold

i caught something over the weekend and i'm still recovering.  i have a lingering cough which necessitates nyquil. which makes me sleepy.  so i'm fighting off sleep at this. very. moment.

in other news (as i try to keep my eyes open), i have started running again.  you don't realize how out of shape you are until you attempt something that you've always been good at.  for me, that was running the mile out on the track.  in the past, it was never a problem.  i always pulled it off without breaks in decent time.  but today, wow.  i took so many breaks and my heart was working extra hard.  i took an extra 5 minutes or so than i had in the past.  it made me a bit depressed.  oh well, gotta suck it up and try to do better.  i'll attempt it again on friday and hopefully this cold will be completely gone by then.

onto more girly topics...my skin has gotten back to normal.  i experienced a week of extremely dry patches on my face.  i had to go buy softener (something I had never used) in hopes of helping out my thirsty/dehydrated skin.  but it's better now. i don't think it's the softener itself.  more so my skin recovering.  i think it might have been the sekkisei sun protector because i experienced it right after i started using that. hopefully there won't be any other problems.

i spent more money i didn't have tuesday.  after buying the softener over the weekend, i bought myself a cute summer tod baker bag from nordstroms.  it was so cute and it looked even better as a crossbody.  i couldn't resist. i contemplated returning it but decided i might as well keep it.  i would have spent the money somewhere else anyway? yes, this is me justifying my shopaholic problem. 

i really would like to purchase a decent blush sometime soon.  but i've without the cash.  :(

i'm thinking of either nars orgasm, bobby brown multi shade tint, or a shiseido face color.  i guess i'll hold off on it until there is some major discount available.  which could be never? :(

happy july 4th!

well, it's offically over. i thought i could make it but it's july 5th right now.  oh well.

update?

so after much searching, i found the new kose sekkisei sun protector online and bought. it came a few days ago and it feels almost exactly like the shiseido sunblock that i've been using!  i hope it doesn't break me out and actually works at preventing hyperpigmentation.

cosmetics and skincare combine to make a multi-billion dollar industry that suck young girls and women into finding ways to look "beautiful", a term everyone understands is subjective. despite this, we grow up trying to live up to some version of it.  hopefully, it manages to make us FEEL beautiful.

on the verge

i should be going to bed. haven't really worked out much since my last post. and i'm about to turn another year older.  depressing, no?

excuse the rambling.  introvert on the outside. extrovert on the inside. if that makes any sense. 

zz