the big step

now that i've made that big step, i realize how big a commitment post-undergrad work is. i'm exhausted.  mentally and even physically because i've never had to sit still for so long. my days have been filled with class, reading and eating intermittently.  i don't really enjoy eating as much anymore.  all the anxiety and stress has gotten to my appetite.  the next few years seem like a really long time.  now i realize that i'm a romantic.  i had once believed it was okay just to immerse yourself in work.  that's not the case for me.  the dramas really are an escape.  they help me relax but at the same time, make me envious.  i'm talking about the romantic comedies.  not so much all the heartache from the dramatic ones.  and i really miss my nephew!  i have so much work to do this weekend.  it doesn't look like i'll catch up much.  i need to go home and get fitted for an ao dai.  then there's the 2 weddings in october.  i need to find a way to balance my schedule.  i want a free day to do nothing school related as well.  but it looks like i will have to do some work each day.  again, i'm hoping this works itself out.  i was so tired today.  but it's a new type of exhaustion.  i hadn't realized it until i woke up from a 2 hour nap that i didn't know i had taken.  i'm also tired right now as well. i will probably go to bed. 

hoping for the best <3

my cute nephew always cheers me up

disappointed

can't we all just get along? or try to? or be more conscientious?  understanding? take the people around us into consideration?

living with people is difficult.  even with family.  i hate it when people are blind.  to the things mentioned above. as well as to their own biases.

fighting off a summer cold

i caught something over the weekend and i'm still recovering.  i have a lingering cough which necessitates nyquil. which makes me sleepy.  so i'm fighting off sleep at this. very. moment.

in other news (as i try to keep my eyes open), i have started running again.  you don't realize how out of shape you are until you attempt something that you've always been good at.  for me, that was running the mile out on the track.  in the past, it was never a problem.  i always pulled it off without breaks in decent time.  but today, wow.  i took so many breaks and my heart was working extra hard.  i took an extra 5 minutes or so than i had in the past.  it made me a bit depressed.  oh well, gotta suck it up and try to do better.  i'll attempt it again on friday and hopefully this cold will be completely gone by then.

onto more girly topics...my skin has gotten back to normal.  i experienced a week of extremely dry patches on my face.  i had to go buy softener (something I had never used) in hopes of helping out my thirsty/dehydrated skin.  but it's better now. i don't think it's the softener itself.  more so my skin recovering.  i think it might have been the sekkisei sun protector because i experienced it right after i started using that. hopefully there won't be any other problems.

i spent more money i didn't have tuesday.  after buying the softener over the weekend, i bought myself a cute summer tod baker bag from nordstroms.  it was so cute and it looked even better as a crossbody.  i couldn't resist. i contemplated returning it but decided i might as well keep it.  i would have spent the money somewhere else anyway? yes, this is me justifying my shopaholic problem. 

i really would like to purchase a decent blush sometime soon.  but i've without the cash.  :(

i'm thinking of either nars orgasm, bobby brown multi shade tint, or a shiseido face color.  i guess i'll hold off on it until there is some major discount available.  which could be never? :(

happy july 4th!

well, it's offically over. i thought i could make it but it's july 5th right now.  oh well.

update?

so after much searching, i found the new kose sekkisei sun protector online and bought. it came a few days ago and it feels almost exactly like the shiseido sunblock that i've been using!  i hope it doesn't break me out and actually works at preventing hyperpigmentation.

cosmetics and skincare combine to make a multi-billion dollar industry that suck young girls and women into finding ways to look "beautiful", a term everyone understands is subjective. despite this, we grow up trying to live up to some version of it.  hopefully, it manages to make us FEEL beautiful.

on the verge

i should be going to bed. haven't really worked out much since my last post. and i'm about to turn another year older.  depressing, no?

excuse the rambling.  introvert on the outside. extrovert on the inside. if that makes any sense. 

zz

get back in shape!

not just physically but also mentally.  i've been letting myself go, taking the easy route.  but i need to be taking care of my body as well as my mental state more.  i was extremely irritated today. for lack of a better term, i was pissed.  i felt so out of control -- by not having control.  i've also realized that i have an ego (yes, ha ha) as well has have pride(?) issues.  i know it's bad but i feel so protected with it. i guess i need to tone it down a bit but at least i have some form of a defense mechanism.  right?